I am a patient listener as well as a glib talker - something for which I have earned laurels and sometimes even faced criticism for overdoing it. Things are in some way forcing me to think why am I like this? I have no intention to disparage myself in any way - but I somehow am eager to understand - what made me so... Was it personal experience? Yes...that is definitely a possibility. Experience is known to be strongly instrumental in shaping the character of individuals. But what about my upbringing? Yes...my mother too has been a strong influence on me. And what about movies - did they have a role to play? Yes...I vehemently agree - I am deeply impacted by movies, which have helped me find answers to many many questions about myself and life and society in general, and therein has been a compass giving some direction in my quest for the unknown. And the most confusing aspect of this question is that - I cannot negate the importance of even the apparently most trivial factors which have been or are a part of my life.
In fact this question is applicable to each every character trait of this person, who people have known to be Sandipan Chowdhury. But fact still remains that I might continue whiling away my time wondering and estimating the impact of several several parameters on my life - and might still not have an appropriate answer to my question...
So for the time being I would have to stomach the fact that Time is all powerful - there is an appropriate time for everything and when that appropriate hour knocks on the doorstep, Time itself will take the necessary steps to bring about the change required. This is opposed to being a fatalist...and if I ever wonder how? - Well, that's probably a separate story, suitable for narration at a different Time.
Sunday, February 3, 2008
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2 comments:
Hey Sandy... a nice read this is.
Looking for the factors that have influenced you over the years might be a good way of looking back into your life, but I doubt how much they contribute in determining the future course of your life. All that matters is what you are and what you have become and not why and how you have become that.
Regarding the answers, I never have been able to prioritize the questions.If you try to find answers to all of them, its an endless list. More than finding the answers to them its important to find out which questions need to be answered first.
Hi Sumit! Thanx for the comment. I do realize that looking back at your past seldom leads to any defined conclusion which can be put to good use to take control over your life and define your future on your terms - especially when you know that you have done things which at best could've been done better and at worst were completely erratic and incorrect. And the process of doing so does take into account the perception of what society considers to be "normal", "acceptable" and "good" - the rebels would want to disagree, but at the same time, they too have it at the back of their minds that society, at one point, might be intervening their lives as well - and if they don't - they are just being naive.
Anyways talking about why I am doing this - well, definitely as my time in Kgp is drawing to a close - its but natural for me to do so - to weigh how I have been and how I have grown - according to the scales which are normally available and since I have sometime to spend in doing so - before I embark on a new beginning - I am doing it...I too am uncertain whether I will be able to arrive at unambiguous answers, yet it might help me to understand myself better...and that in itself is the motive behind my maintaining this blog...
Prioritization of such questions - is a daunting task and am not certain whether I am ready to start doing so - but such thoughts are definitely crossing my mind now and so I just thought to make a note of it - for no well-defined reason. :)
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